The limits of DIY

Growing up, I have always had a love of mathematics. I am hoping that using this as an opening statement does not already turn away any readers who do not feel the same. I would defend this bold declaration by clarifying that I value math because I have always been very problem-solving motivated. I have always enjoyed discovering solutions and brainstorming ways to approach a problem. I see this overflow outside of my life at school by my pleasure in DIY, “Do It Yourself,” tasks.

I have an innate tendency to want to do things or fix things on my own, even when doing so is to my detriment or brings me to the brink of failure. As I was reading today’s Gospel passage, I could not help but reflect on this part of myself and think of all of the moments where I tried to find resolution to deeper problems in my life in this “DIY” fashion.

In this passage, Jesus proclaims that, “Whoever keeps my word will never see death.” As I read these words, I think of what a powerful, life-giving proclamation that these words should be of our freedom from death through our relationship with Christ. However, this is not how it is viewed in the passage. The Jews in this passage respond to Jesus by saying, “Are you greater than our father Abraham, who died? Or the prophets, who died?” Reading through these words, I am fascinated by this response. I believe I often share a similar response to Jesus’ freeing words in the times that I try to solve the problems of my life in a “DIY” manner, rather than handing everything over to Him. Every time I try to fix something on my own, I am asserting to Jesus, “Are you really greater than what I have already been doing or what I have already been leaning on in my times of need?” Reading through this passage, I have been faced with the following questions of my relationship with Christ. How often am I like the people in this story, claiming to know the Lord, but leaning on my own understanding and control? Do I truly believe that if I remain in the Lord, I will never see death? And lastly, if I say I believe this, am I living as if I do?

During this season of Lent, I have been faced with factors in my life at school of stress and difficulty. Any other student or teacher can admit that, as exciting as it is that summer is quickly approaching, this time of the year brings about new, often frustrating, challenges of grade checks and pressure to complete all that had been intended for the year in order to prepare students for what is to come next. Internally, I feel additional pressure to make sure that I have impacted my students and clearly communicated to them how much they are cared for and how much they matter to me and our community. As I look back on all of these thoughts and burdens that I have had and felt, I realize now how I have not fully let the Lord aid in relieving this pressure. I have been holding onto this stress, expecting to be able to “DIY” a flawless solution to the year ending in perfect harmony. I have been rhetorically asking the Lord, “Are you really greater than what I can do on my own?”

Now, it is obvious that I know the clear answer to this question, as I am sure you do too. But today, for me, the challenge and wonderful privilege that I have will be to live as if I do.

Author: Colleen Cox, Mathematics Department