My Struggles with Finding the Justice in Forgiveness

Ever have one of those moments when it seems as if God is talking directly to you? You know the ones, where you wonder what they odds are that a particular reading or verse is chosen for that day, or how the priest could know exactly what you needed to hear.

Yesterday, this occurred for me during the homily. The presiding priest told us that “the walls of heaven are made of forgiveness” and that in heaven we are meant to be with those we have forgiven. My initial reaction to hearing this, if I’m honest, was not a joyful one. I did not take pleasure in the beauty and love of the priest’s language. No; instead, my heart sank.

Why would I want to spend eternity in heaven with the people who have done me great injury and harm? Why forgive them and wipe their slate clean? So they can enjoy eternity with God after everything they have done to me? Outrageous, right!?!

Well, yes, but only from my perspective of justice and fairness, not God’s.

Today’s readings reminded me of this concession and helped me put the priest’s words from yesterday’s mass into a new perspective, one that feels more Christlike because it is calling me to put aside myself in favor of a love that comes from the Father.

But it wasn’t the readings from Daniel or John that spoke to me, at first. No, it was the single verse from Ezekiel in the verse before the Gospel. As I have struggled over the past couple of years with forgiving people who have done me great wrong, people God is calling me to forgive even if it does not satisfy my desire for justice, I read these words: “I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked man, says the Lord, but rather in his conversion, that he may live” (Ezekiel 33:11).

When I read this I felt humbled. My justice seeks the punishment of the wicked for my own peace of mind, but the justice of my Father is about giving them every chance to repent and seek the good. And so our forgiveness does not exonerate or enable but rather allows for ourselves and others to reunite with God more easily. After all, I cannot hear God’s voice if I wallow in my hurts and resentments, and I cannot be the man He calls me to be.

I hope that, when I struggle with forgiveness in the future, I can more easily remember what I have realized with the aid of today’s readings. We should not seek brutal and harsh justice, but like Daniel and Susanna provide those who do us wrong an opportunity for conversion. After all, we ourselves are not perfect and need the same opportunity. It is what the Father does for us, and it is what he calls us to do through Christ’s example.

Author: Parker Hornsby, English Department