And when you're wrong, you should say so
In the reading for today, an entire community, Nineveh, has to apologize. From the king to the shepherd, they must don the sackcloth, fast, and sit in the “ashes'' of their “evil ways” or face God’s “blazing wrath”. And they have to mean it. The contrition must be sincere, the repentance must be real, or God will destroy them. It sounds simple-- admit you’re wrong; apologize; save yourself-- but it is not.
In order to apologize, the Ninevenites first had to know there was a problem. They had to know their sin and their lack of faith. They had to see it and believe it. For me, such awareness is often elusive. That off-handed comment, that joke that was more mean than funny, that time I wasn’t really listening, or that time I jumped to a conclusion about someone-- I don’t always realize I am doing it. I am too caught up in myself. And yet, the first step to solving a problem is being aware of it. Thank God the Lord sent Jonah to help Nineveh with this part. Lord, help me to be more aware!
Second, the Ninevenites had to take responsibility. There could be no finger pointing or rationalizations. Their sin and lack of faith had to be owned and faced. I think this may be the hardest part. It is no easy thing to look at how you have wronged someone. It can call your entire sense of self into question. How could I be that dismissive or inconsiderate to my co-worker, friend, or family? It often seems easier to blame them-- to think they deserve it or that they are being overly sensitive. Or, I tend to focus on my intentions rather than my actions, saying things like, “I didn’t mean for that to happen” or “I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone” while hoping that somehow my intentions or lack of intentions make up for the damage I have caused. And yet, at some point, I have to get over myself long enough to take responsibility. I have to have the humility to look in the mirror, to see my failures and my culpability, and then to see past my psychological defenses to the other person. Lord, help me to be humble!
Third, the Ninevenites had to take their medicine. They had to don the sackcloth rather than the silk, and they had to send their apology into the universe not knowing if it would be enough. Talk about a leap of faith. They had to repent without any certainty of salvation, and the medicine-- the fasting, sitting in ashes, wearing scratchy clothes-- must have been painful. I have heard it said that repentance is healing, but a healing that scalds before it soothes. Perhaps this is appropriate. There must be action and at least a little inconvenience (if not pain) to cement the sincerity of the apology. There also must be change, even if it is incremental and even if there is no guarantee against future mistakes or sins. The change is the catharsis, but the catharsis can still suck. Lord, help me to be thankful for the medicine despite the pain and despite the lack of guarantees!
Of course, things turn out well for Nineveh. God sends Jonah by way of the belly of a great fish to warn them. The Ninevenites have the good sense to listen. They apologize. God relents. They are saved. God shows his justice and mercy, which for many may be the point of the story. But I also think it teaches us something about the nature of apologies. Apologies are complicated, but they also seem to be a form of hope. They are, perhaps, the ultimate impulse for growth, an impulse that even God needed. For in the story God himself “repented of the evil that he had threatened to do to them” once the Ninevenites apologized. And maybe this gets to the heart of the matter in that apologies nurture us. They give us a second chance and a way forward despite our imperfections and sins. Maybe not always in the way we want, but often in the way we need. I see this idea echoed by a country singer named Eric Church who wrote a song called “Three Year Old”. The song is about the wisdom of innocence and youth. One of the verses goes:
“Sometimes, all you need is a hand to hold
Couple arms to kill the cold
And when you're wrong, you should just say so
I learned that from a three year old”
Indeed! Lord help me to apologize!
In order to apologize, the Ninevenites first had to know there was a problem. They had to know their sin and their lack of faith. They had to see it and believe it. For me, such awareness is often elusive. That off-handed comment, that joke that was more mean than funny, that time I wasn’t really listening, or that time I jumped to a conclusion about someone-- I don’t always realize I am doing it. I am too caught up in myself. And yet, the first step to solving a problem is being aware of it. Thank God the Lord sent Jonah to help Nineveh with this part. Lord, help me to be more aware!
Second, the Ninevenites had to take responsibility. There could be no finger pointing or rationalizations. Their sin and lack of faith had to be owned and faced. I think this may be the hardest part. It is no easy thing to look at how you have wronged someone. It can call your entire sense of self into question. How could I be that dismissive or inconsiderate to my co-worker, friend, or family? It often seems easier to blame them-- to think they deserve it or that they are being overly sensitive. Or, I tend to focus on my intentions rather than my actions, saying things like, “I didn’t mean for that to happen” or “I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone” while hoping that somehow my intentions or lack of intentions make up for the damage I have caused. And yet, at some point, I have to get over myself long enough to take responsibility. I have to have the humility to look in the mirror, to see my failures and my culpability, and then to see past my psychological defenses to the other person. Lord, help me to be humble!
Third, the Ninevenites had to take their medicine. They had to don the sackcloth rather than the silk, and they had to send their apology into the universe not knowing if it would be enough. Talk about a leap of faith. They had to repent without any certainty of salvation, and the medicine-- the fasting, sitting in ashes, wearing scratchy clothes-- must have been painful. I have heard it said that repentance is healing, but a healing that scalds before it soothes. Perhaps this is appropriate. There must be action and at least a little inconvenience (if not pain) to cement the sincerity of the apology. There also must be change, even if it is incremental and even if there is no guarantee against future mistakes or sins. The change is the catharsis, but the catharsis can still suck. Lord, help me to be thankful for the medicine despite the pain and despite the lack of guarantees!
Of course, things turn out well for Nineveh. God sends Jonah by way of the belly of a great fish to warn them. The Ninevenites have the good sense to listen. They apologize. God relents. They are saved. God shows his justice and mercy, which for many may be the point of the story. But I also think it teaches us something about the nature of apologies. Apologies are complicated, but they also seem to be a form of hope. They are, perhaps, the ultimate impulse for growth, an impulse that even God needed. For in the story God himself “repented of the evil that he had threatened to do to them” once the Ninevenites apologized. And maybe this gets to the heart of the matter in that apologies nurture us. They give us a second chance and a way forward despite our imperfections and sins. Maybe not always in the way we want, but often in the way we need. I see this idea echoed by a country singer named Eric Church who wrote a song called “Three Year Old”. The song is about the wisdom of innocence and youth. One of the verses goes:
“Sometimes, all you need is a hand to hold
Couple arms to kill the cold
And when you're wrong, you should just say so
I learned that from a three year old”
Indeed! Lord help me to apologize!
Author: Casey Profitt, Social Studies Department
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